A Fortunate Woman Read online

  A Fortunate Woman

  by

  Jennifer Lyndon

  A Fortunate Woman

  By Jennifer Lyndon

  Copyright © Jennifer Lyndon 2017. All Rights Reserved

  Cover photograph provided by Shutterstock.com

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  For K.T.

  Thank you for everything you’ve been to me. I love you, always.

  J.L.

  PART I

  -CH 1-

  The greatest honor one might receive from the Queens is being made Lemu. It’s an elevation beyond titles, in a sense, placing one above even the highest-ranking nobility. Only one Fae before me has been elevated, Her Grace Shiroane, the Duchess of Florek, the much trusted captain of the Queens’ personal guard. Shiroane was made Lemu more than ten years before my own transformation. In that interim Lore gently, but persistently pressed me to accept what she termed her gift. It was an effort at reconciliation. For my part, I desired neither reconciliation with the Queens, nor eternal life. Consistently and firmly, I refused Lore.

  The prospect of living forever was not remotely appealing to me. It was quite daunting in fact, the idea of facing that vast, and possibly infinite, timespan in emotional solitude. In order to want to live forever one needs to have others for whom to live, but during those desolate years, I felt love for no one, not even for myself. Bitterness consumed my soul. As a result, I regarded Lore’s offer as a clear threat, a curse even, rather than as the miraculous gift she so desperately wanted to bestow.

  In my youth, I fell profoundly in love with Lore. She was everything to me, and the only meaning I found in life, for a period of about a decade. I suppose I might have been eager to commit to extending my lifespan indefinitely, if my affections had been returned. But of course Lore has always belonged to my cousin, M’Tek. I’ve only ever been a domestic in Lore’s eyes, a servant of sorts. To be fair, I was a beloved servant, but servile nonetheless.

  Since clearly, I am now Lemu, you might wonder why, since I so clearly felt an aversion to the possibility of facing eternity alone, would I consent to Lore’s request, finally. The answer is simple. I never actually consented. As my health deteriorated, what began as an offer from the woman I once loved, slowly morphed into a command from the mighty Noge Queen. Yet I still I refused. In the end, I was made Lemu while unconscious. Lore must always have what she wants, after all.

  My weak heart was my undoing. Once broken, the feeble little thing simply wasn’t up to the task of enduring. Usually a Fae of my lineage would live well past one hundred years, but it was obvious to everyone, including myself, that I was unlikely to see fifty. When I collapsed during a solstice celebration, I remained unconscious for many hours. As a result, a letter was dispatched to Faeland, to Queen Loredana, informing her of the imminent demise of the Prime of Nogeland. Upon receiving word of my rapidly deteriorating condition, Lore rode, with great haste, for Saranedam, returning to her own realm for the first time since offering Saranedam Palace to me thirteen years earlier.

  Over the following week, Lore held vigil at my bedside, witnessing my regression, the shortness of my breath, and the overall frailty of my body. She saw with her beautiful, ageless, blue eyes, the subtle sagging of my skin, as well as the abundance of silver woven through my once vibrant copper mane. At every opportunity she pressed me to allow her to extend my life.

  During the eighth day of Lore’s watch, my breath was coming ever more slowly and with greater effort. The end of my suffering was close at hand. I could feel death’s arms straining to embrace me, as I reached for him. I remember Lore, leaning over me, crying, and pressing her gentle lips to my forehead, and then my cheek, and then my lips, as I drifted into unconsciousness, and moved on toward that promised serenity, that yearned for oblivion.

  Though I yearned for death, with an ardor I’d not felt in over a decade, Lore decided at that point she could not allow me my well-earned peace. In those final moments of my natural life, she pressed a needle into my arm, delivering a dose of eternity to my body. In that helpless state, I was powerless to stop her. I woke a few days later, entirely disoriented, and therefore relishing the subtle, pleasing scent of Lore, and trapped in the echo of my love for her. In those first moments of my new life I ran through every fruit, flower, and herb I’d ever known, trying to decide what exactly she smelled of, only to accept the futility of my efforts. I would never know. I took in deep breaths of her, as tears came to my eyes.

  When I awoke again, days had passed. I lay in bed all day, remembering the brief press of her lips on mine, the sweet spicy scent of her, the caress of her hair against my cheek. She came into my bedchamber in the afternoon, with a tray of those soft foods meant for the invalid, soup and mashed cloudberries, a little petou with doughy bread. She watched me warily, her eyes red, her expression wounded, as a child who had been unfairly scolded. When I lifted my hand to push the unwanted tray of food away from me, she seized my hand between both of hers, and I felt the wonder of her smooth skin, her warm and gentle palm.

  “Where’s M’Tek?” I asked her, as her grip on my hand tightened.

  “She rode out with the girls,” Lore replied. “Why? Would you like to see her?”

  “You’ve been happy with my cousin,” I observed, ignoring her questions, and trying to brush away the past thirteen years with those few words. Lore ignored my attempt, preoccupied as she was with her own thoughts and concerns.

  “You must forgive me, Pet,” she said. “You asked more of me than I could give you.” I had to bite my tongue to keep from responding. I’d never really asked anything of Lore, except that she let me go. “I couldn’t watch you die, not when I have the power to save you. I love you too much. That’s the only reason I waited so long. I tried to honor your wishes, but I couldn’t allow you to leave me again. Still, your body fought the potion,” she explained. “You were sweating, and vomiting, and struggling for breath. For a while, I feared you might actually have your way after all. I nearly lost you.”

  I wanted to explain to her that she had lost me years ago, but I thought better of it. There was no real need for clarity. Instead, I squeezed her hand, my instinct to comfort her too strong for an appropriate response. Even after everything, seeing Lore upset was painful to me.

  “It doesn’t matter, what I wanted, Lore. It never has, really,” I observed with an abnormal sense of indifference, as if I was commenting about the weather in some far off place I never planned to visit, the northeastern territory of Nogeland perhaps. My feelings had been strong on the subject, my refusal to become Lemu an honest one. Somehow, I no longer cared about that, or anything else for that matter. “Since I’m still alive, I presume you’re confessing. You’ve made me Lemu after all.”

  Lore dropped my hand and hurried to my dressing table to retrieve a mirror, returning to press it into my still open hand, offering a hesitant smile. I felt tightness in my chest as I realized that even after the passage of so many years, she was still the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. At her insistence, I raised the looking glass to find those deep lines carved by loneliness gone from my face. My hair was still streaked with silver, but the skin of my throat was tight, my lips plump and without creases. For some reason I smiled at her, accepting what she had done to me with cool detachment.

  “You’re healthy again, my beautiful Pet,” Lore whispered. “I know you said you didn’t want this, but I couldn’t bear to live without you. You understand why I did it, don’t you? Now that you see yourself healthy again, you’ll forgive me, won�
��t you?” she asked. “I’ve given you a gift.”

  “I suppose you want thanks along with forgiveness,” I observed calmly, forcing a smile across my renewed face. “Of course I forgive you. You’ve always known you need only ask and I’ll forgive you anything. It may take me a while to thank you, though.”

  She nodded as her eyes filled with tears she refused to shed. In the next moment she turned and walked away from my bedside, leaving me still holding that awful mirror, alone in my room.

  -CH 2-

  Lore and her family left Saranedam the next morning. Over the following months I noted the enhancing of my senses with fascination. My eyesight improved, making the noonday sun almost too bright for me at first. My Fae hearing became as sharp, or sharper, than it ever was, allowing me to hear conversations occurring rooms away. My sense of smell grew so strong I had to have an entire section of the garden replanted due to the sickly smell of the bulbs, decaying slightly under the earth. My appearance changed as well, as my skin gradually became softer and smoother, and the roots of my hair grew in brighter than I remembered, an almost metallic copper.

  As my energy level increased, the work of ruling Nogeland was no longer enough to keep me occupied. I had an older horse in the stables, a gentle grey mare named Pansy that M’Tek had given me years earlier, but the mare was in her late twenties. Pansy couldn’t handle my constant need for activity. I decided it was time to retire the mare.

  When I looked over the crop of two year olds in the back pasture, a young gelding caught my eye. I learned from the head groom that he was the last foal born of Abri out of Ronin. He had inherited his father’s shiny black coat and had the excellent conformation of M’Tek’s mare, Eren. When I wrote to Lore asking about the gelding, and for whom he was intended, she replied by graciously informing me that he was mine if I wanted him. I gladly accepted that gift.

  Since he was still without a name I dubbed him Khol, due to his shiny black coat. I began his training immediately, and the task kept me happily occupied for the following several months. Once he was ready, we began taking long rides through the neighboring villages. Khol was strong, and eager for exercise, so we jumped the fences between the properties, as I remembered what it was to be young and healthy, and why it was fun to risk the more difficult fences. When I wasn’t riding or working, I spent my time that summer, and all the way through the early fall, engrossed with the alterations in my body, as I became the Pet’Wyn I had once been, only more so.

  Every year Lore made a point of personally inviting me, through a long and flattering letter, to stay at Lareem Palace for the Fae season, and every year, I respectfully declined. For some reason, that year, when I received her invitation, I decided to attend. At first I was unable to determine my own motivation. Clearly, it wasn’t because I wanted to be near Lore and her family again. I felt almost no connection to them at that point. Finally I came to the conclusion that after the striking physical and mental changes I was undergoing, I simply needed to feel Fae again. I needed to remember who I once was, before I became that pragmatic Noge politician. Regardless of my object, I accepted her invitation, and began having an appropriate wardrobe tailored.

  If there is one thing I know, other than politics, it’s fashion. I’d watched the changing of clothing styles over the years with an eager eye, even as my body became too feeble to properly present the trends. It felt wonderful to wear a beautiful dress again, and to look well in it. As for my hair, if I wore it up, the silver hardly showed.

  When I arrived at Lareem Palace the morning of the opening ball, Lore was too busy to receive me, and so my cousin came in her stead. It was strange seeing the Fae Queen again, after so many years. My cousin even walked down the steps to greet me, a consideration she rarely showed anyone other than Lore. I dismounted from Khol, and offered a formal Noge bow to the Fae Queen, quietly congratulating myself for my own audacity. M’Tek responded with a wry smile and a slight nod, and then one eyebrow rose as she checked over my horse.

  Still she carried a scent of citrus about her, making her continued adoration of Lore one of the first things I noticed. M’Tek appeared happy, and beautiful as always, with her nearly black hair loose around her shoulders, her grey eyes alight with mischief. My gaze focused on the hands that caressed Lore, before shifting to the mouth that Lore kissed. I smiled at my cousin, for the first time, feeling no pain at these realizations.

  “So you’ve truly become Noge,” my cousin observed in Fae as I stood before her.

  “Well, I am the Prime of Nogeland,” I replied in Noge.

  She laughed and drew me into a hug. Apparently, all was forgiven. She knew I had wanted her queen, but she also knew I could never have Lore, so it didn’t matter.

  “Exquisite gelding,” she remarked as Khol was lead away.

  “Yes,” I replied, unabashedly admiring my own beautiful horse. “He was a gift from your mate.”

  “A good gift,” she observed, still looking after him as he was led toward the stable. I waited for her gaze to return to me before nodding to offer my agreement. “I’ve never seen you on such an animal. You usually prefer the slower, easier mounts.”

  “Do I?” I asked, raising an eyebrow in imitation of her characteristic gesture. “I hadn’t realized that. Maybe I’ve changed, cousin.”

  “Maybe you have,” she conceded. “Why don’t you come inside and get settled?” she said, draping an arm across my shoulders. “We’ll share a midday meal together and you can fill me in on the most diverting Noge gossip.” I shook my head, but smiled at her. It was kind of her to make an effort with me, but it was in vain. I had no interest in her company.

  “Thank you, but no. You may not be aware of this, but I always make a pilgrimage down to the beach when I arrive at Lareem Palace after a long absence,” I said. “There’s no need to fuss over me. I remember my way. Besides, you must have a thousand loose ends to see to before the ball this evening. I’ll stay out of your way for now, and catch up with you when you’re free,” I suggested, as her arm dropped from my shoulders.

  “You’ve been truly missed, Pet,” she said gently, using my old nickname. “And not only by Lore.” I smiled at her, not wanting to appear rude after she had shown me such consideration.

  “It’s good to be in Faeland again, cousin,” I said. She nodded, offering a sweet smile in return, before turning back toward the palace. No doubt she was in the midst of some ordeal and had only been being gracious with me, because she walked with a more hurried gate than usual.

  Once alone again, I turned my attention to the cliffs in the distance. As I walked, I remembered the many times Lore had strode the palace grounds close at my side. I could almost smell the scent of fresh fruit on the sea breeze as I remembered the time, many years earlier, when she was so upset with M’Tek I thought there was a chance she might leave my cousin. For the thousandth time, I went through the argument I had with her. I had been the one who convinced her to forgive M’Tek for one of the many atrocious blunders my cousin had made with the girl. Even then I was in love with Lore. In that moment I might have taken her from M’Tek, if not for that rooted sense of loyalty I had felt for my cousin.

  When I reached the cliffs, the view took my breath away. The Luminous Gulf was glowing more brightly than ever, or possibly my Lemu eyes simply saw it differently. I stood at the very edge, staring out into the infinite. For only a moment, I allowed myself to imagine diving over the edge, falling toward the water and rocks below. What would it feel like to fall so freely? It might be similar to flying at first, I guessed, but then the ground rising up, too quickly. My Lemu blood wouldn’t protect me from such a fall. At what point would elation turn to terror?

  “My beautiful Pet. You’re finally arrived,” Lore said in her soft lilting voice, halting my musings. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to receive you. Honestly, I was afraid you’d decided not to come after all. I’d almost given up on you.”

  I resisted the impulse to turn and face her, anticipati
ng that she would come to stand beside me. When she did, she passed an arm across my lower back and relaxed her head against my shoulder, as was once her habit. She wrapped her other arm across my belly in a loose embrace, sighing when I returned her affection by hooking an arm around her waist.

  “No need to apologize. M’Tek met me,” I said in hardly more than a whisper. “It’s quite an honor to be greeted by the Fae Queen.”

  “So it’s M’Tek now,” Lore said, laughing. “You’ve never called her that before.”

  “Haven’t I?” I replied. “To be honest, I hardly remember calling her anything. I’ve been in Nogeland so long I’ve forgotten how to be Fae. I have difficulty even speaking Fae at this point.”

  “Don’t be too free with her first name unless you want a reaction,” Lore cautioned me. “She gets a little cross when people relax protocol around her.”

  “Consider me warned,” I replied.

  “Are you two on good terms again?” Lore asked. I smiled to myself, deciding we were, finally.

  “There has never been any hostility on my side,” I replied evenly. “I thought we simply lost touch over the years. She’s not much for corresponding. Before today, I hadn’t actually spoken to her in thirteen years.” Lore didn’t reply to that. “Are you happy?” I asked finally. “Has she been good to you?”

  “My happiness at the moment has far more to do with you being here. It’s wonderful having my arms around you again, my friend,” Lore replied, tightening her hold of me. “But to answer your question, M’Tek is always good to me. You never need to worry about that,” she added.

  “I won’t then,” I assured her. “And I’m pleased for you,” I added. It was true. I only ever wanted Lore to be happy. “Well, I know you’re busy with preparations for the opening ball tonight. Do you have a theme?”